The Misadventures of Percy and Friends
by HeroineOfOlympus
Summary: Love,Adventure,and rubber ducks.What more could you ask for in a fanfic? Or should I say,CRACKfic? compilation of one-shots,drabbles,and poo,All somehow related to each other,and Rick Riordan related too.
1. Dreamception and Awkwardness

**A/N Oh .The first chapter is finally out! EEEEeeeeeeee!Ahem. I am HeroineOfOlympus,you can call me Joy btw,and I'd like to introduce my typist,and friend IRL, kimba! Oh..she's not here. Please do not be offended with the was made purely out of creativity,boredom,and insanity. This story will be AU-ish,and contain OC's,OOC-ness,pedos,cross dressers,duckies,and whatever poo is on my mind. ~Joy K.**

**Disclaimer:I do not in any way,own Percy Jackson,or any of his I did,I'd be Rick Riordan,and I'd be rolling in cash,and not waste my time making crackfics like these.**

* * *

Being a Praetor was a tough job. Not only did you have to look good, you also have to be at your best behavior - which was exactly the opposite of what Octavian was doing. When he stepped out in his glorious purple bathrobe, he saw destruction. Beautiful, sexy destruction. There were explosions, fire and muscular statues of him. Percy and his friends were slaves, with chains on their ankles, and all that jazz. Hot babes were dancing around the statues, much to Octavian's delight. He clapped his hand and the dancers went to him. He started strutting around camp, the girls following behind. It was quite a magnificent sight, watching that sexy scarecrow romp around in his fuzzy clown suit. Wait... Clown Suit? Something was not right here. However, Octavian did not seem to notice, he was too busy being silly. Just then, a voice yelled out,

"Octavian, sweetheart!" Octavian turned around and a hand squeezed his over-sized, red clown nose. My gods, it was...

Reyna?!

Octavian woke up, beaded in sweat. What was that crazy dream all about? Suddenly, he had the urge to throw a rubber ducky in Percy's face. He got up, grabbed the duck from the bathtub and went out the door. He found Percy by the river, washing his bunny slippers.

"Perseus Jackson!" called out Octavian. "Think fast!"

And with all the non-existent strength he had in his scrawny arms, he threw the rubber duck at Percy's head. There was a loud thud and Percy's head exploded.

* * *

Reyna woke up, and banged her head on the bedside._ /A dream... Yes, that's what it was. /_ She felt something furry in between her legs. Could it have been a goat? She rolled to the side and saw Grover's gorgeous face, smiling at her.

"Hey." was all he said.

Reyna fell out of bed and dramatically yelled, "NOOOOOOOO!" before fading to black.

* * *

Frank woke up, on top of a mountain. Mt. Pototo, to be exact. He scratched his head and looked around. He stood up and began to walk, when he saw Octavian climbing the mountain.

"Hey Frank!" He called out. "Here's your clown suit. I dropped it in the river, by the way."

* * *

Percy woke up from his nightmare. What the Hades was going on? He looked at the alarm clock and realized he was late. He quickly dressed up and set out to the world unknown.

* * *

**A/N**

** Chapter is kinda crap and weird,but the next chapters will make more sense! I Promise! :D**


	2. New People,New Trouble (ghettosandhobos)

**A/N Thank you to my sexy and wonderful reviewers. I really hope that all of you (reviewers and just plain readers) would continue to read my wonkers crackfic. Please do not leave me. *locks you up, and hides you in her pocket* Just kidding! really, I should be locked in a crazy house. Just a quick warning though; this chapter has a bunch of OC's. No no! Don't leave! Sit. Stay. You still reading this? Good. I will be one of the OC's and you will learn quite a bit about me, unfortunately. My typist and friend IRL is also here (Kimba). And some of my other IRL friends too. Yeah. Enjoy! Reviews are highly appreciated. ~Joy K. **

**T/N: I do apologize for Joy's fail attempt on talking like a ghetto. ~Kimba**

* * *

The sun shone brightly on the school known as Brightforest. It was quite a humid day indeed. Okay, that was all just a euphemism. The gods - forsaken sun burned throughout the school. Gods, why did it have to be so hot in the Philippines? At lunch time, Joy, Kimba and Jeryl stepped out of their classrooms to meet with their other friends. A girl with black, long hair, Briana waved at them from across the cafeteria. The trio sat down and noticed two purple, shiny envelopes on the table.

"What's that?" asked Jeryl.

"Oh, this? Well, Briana and I got these from Camp Jupiter! It's this cool Roman camp, for Roman people! You jelly?" said Anne.

Briana popped her head from the table, and attempted to make a troll face, which failed miserably. Joy pushed her face away.

"Okay, first of all, you fail at making the troll face. Second, we could go there whenever we want. Right, Kimba?"

"Oh, um, sure." replied Kimba. She was rather focused on a pair of insects on the wall. One tried to seduce the other. It didn't go very well. Jeryl cleared her throat.

"So, you guys are leaving? When?" It seemed she was curious about this 'Camp Jupiter' as well.

"Oh, we leave tomorrow afternoon. We already booked our tickets at the nearby airport, NAIA, so we're good to go!" that was Anne.

"Oh. Cool." was Jeryl's reply. She obviously wanted to go there as well. The bell rang and everyone went back to class. Joy, Jeryl and Kimba all agreed to join Anne and Briana on their trip abroad tomorrow. No matter what the cost.

* * *

The next day, at NAIA airport, Anne and Briana were just standing around, waiting for the plane to America when suddenly, a burst from the door disturbed their... standing around.

"YEEEEAAAAH! YEAH!" yelled out, who else but Kimba, Jeryl, and Joy.

"Aloha! Mabuhay Philippines!"

This was getting ridiculous.

"What the- what are you guys doing here? You didn't get any invitations!" That was Briana.

She crossed her arms, puffed out her cheeks and pouted. She looked like a little toad. Anne noticed this and started laughing like a madman. It was funny, really because her laugh resembled a goat's and a dog's. Joy just rolled her eyes in response.

"Lame! Who needs invitations when you've got - uh" she fished out a rubber duck from her bag. " - when you've got a rubber duck?" She waved the object across Briana's face to emphasize her point.

Even if that bothered Briana, she showed no sign of it. So they just stood there, in an awkward circle, Anne still laughing in the background. Then Kimba got bored. Her eyes located a vending machine in the far side of the room, and she was craving for some Snickers.

"I see food. Come on, Joy, leggo get some!" and they left.

Jeryl, unsure of what to say in this situation, simply said, "YOLO."Briana just stared at her like she was bonkers.

"Uh, okay? Oh, by the way, you don't have a ticket yet. Let's go get you one." and the three of them went to the ticketing office.

Meanwhile, in the vending machine, Kimba was kicking and yelling profanities at the confound contraption. She placed a coin in the slot, pressed a button, but the candy wouldn't budge. It was frustrating, to say the least. Joy just watched in amusement.

"Need help? I think I could squeeze in through the hole."

Kimba did an epic face palm. "Joy, only snacks could fit in through that furthermore... oh."

Somehow, Joy managed to get in the hole. She placed a hand on the glass.

"Look! I'm a snack! Heehee!" It was a miracle, how a teenager was in that machine.

"Yeah, that's great. Now, my Snickers..."

"Yep, I got it."

Joy wiggled her hand to the Snickers. She grabbed the snack and tossed it in the opening. There was a loud thud, and the snack wouldn't get out.

"Hey... Mind putting another coin in? I'm stuck and so is the snack."

Kimba placed another coin in the slot. She pressed a button and a pack of MnM's fell on Joy's head.

"Ow." she said. "Sorry, uh, can you get out now?"

Joy kicked the opening, but it didn't budge.

"Uh-oh. I'm stuck. I know! Keep putting in coins and I'll keep kicking!" And so, the kicking and coin-putting begun.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Camp Jupiter, Percy was talking about his dream.

"I'm serious, you guys! It was insane! Reyna was there, Frank was there, and Grover too! Oh, but the worst part is..." Insert dramatic shudder.

"Octavian was there. And he was a preator! There was fire, destruction, hot babes-"

"Ahem."

That was Annabeth.

"Please, tell me more about these, 'hot babes' of yours."

Percy gulped. He knew how jealous his girlfriend got when it comes to other girls.

"Th-they're not mine, they were Octavians, I think. Oh! And you were one of those hot babes."

Annabeth raised an eyebrow.

"Hey guys! We have three knew recruits arriving today!" That was Leo.

He was jumping around excitedly on the table. He looked like a Latin dog with ADHD. Piper scoffed in disgust.

"Get down, Leo. You'll break something."

As if on cue, he knocked out a bowl of spaghetti, which fell on Grover's head.

"Ow!" he cried.

"Whoops! Sorry there, buddy." He got down and crossed his legs in a mock-fancy way.

Jason offered to help."Uh, so about these recruits. What are their names?"

Leo took out a piece of paper and a pair of spectacles. He placed the spectacles on the bridge of his nose, and began to read.

"Briana, 16 and Anne, 15 from um... Philip... pines?" And a forgein exchange student, Svetlana, from Russia."

Piper clapped her hands in delight.

"Great! We're finally going to have some girls in camp! Ugh, I'm so sick of all the boys here."

The boys all turned to stare at Piper.

"Oh, uh... not you guys. You guys are... spontaneous?" That seemed to satisfy them.

* * *

Back in the airport, Kimba was fast running out of money.

"Oh, I'm out of money. Joy, do you have some coins in your pocket?" Joy wiggled around, and took the wallet in her bag.

"here, take my wallet." She tossed it out the opening which closed immediately after opening.

"Thanks. Hey, wait, did the opening just..."

"Open? Yes. Yes, it did. Why did you - oh." Joy's only chance of escaping was yet again, gone.

"Welp. Lets try again!" and Kimba began taking out coins, bills, and even a credit card, so that her friend may be freed.

When they managed to clear out Joy's wallet (except for the credit card, of course) All the snacks were bought. Yet, Joy could still not get out. Tears were forming in her eyes. Kimba, unsure of what to do, hugged the vending machine.

"Don't worry, Joy! I'll take you AND the vending machine to Camp Jupiter!"

Joy started panicking.

"What? No! People will think I'm CrAaAaAaAaAaZy!"

She started flailing about, like a fish out of water. With her constant flailing and the previous kicking, the vending machine broke. Smoke came out from the back, and the front side (the glass side) fell out, Kimba took a tentative step back as Joy stumbled forward. The scene was astounding.

The smoke provided a dramatic background for Joy's escape. Kinda like how the explosion from behind PSY appeared in his Gangnam Style video, but that information was irrelevant to this crackfic.

So anyway, after the emergence, they grabbed all the snacks and placed it in Joy's fabulous bag. They galloped to the ticketing office, and met a ghetto woman. That ghetto woman was busy reading 50 Shades of Ghetto. It was very ghetto indeed.

The two girls tapped on the window and received the evil eye in return. Miss Ghetto flopped her book on the table and stared expectantly at them.

"Whatchu want, gurrrrl?" were her exact words. Joy, being sort of a grammar nazi, was rather shocked with this lavish language. However, she showed no sign of it, lest she offend this ghetto woman.

"Yes, well, my friend and I here, well, we kinda spent all our money on the vending machine over there," she gestured at the vending-machine-turned-piece-of-rubbish.

"and uh, we kinda need two plane tickets to America right now. As in, NOW."

They put on two adorably fake smile in attempt to be, well, adorable. The ghetto woman stood up, put a hand on her hip and did the duck face, which signaled that her bitch mode was on.

"Gurrrlfraaaand, you ain't got nothin' on you. You ain't got no money, no cash, no bling-a-ling, you ain't gon' get no ticket from this gurrl!" She ended that statement with a snap of her fingers.

* * *

Meanwhile, in Camp Jupiter, Octavian was in a corner, talking to his rubber ducky. No one else knew about his rubber ducky because then people wouldn't tale him seriously (who did anyway?) That duck knew all his secrets. Octavian named him Xavier. Little Xavier and Octavian were best friends. Nothing in the world could break them apart. Except maybe a girl. A girl with a rubber duck.

"You know, Xavier," he began. "My recent prophecies are telling me that 6 new girls are arriving at camp. Can you believe it? 6! And, one of them has a rubber duck! Ha! But don't worry, Xavier. You're the best duckie in the world!"

He squeezed his duckie and continued to talk about his nonsense world.

* * *

Going back to the airport, Briana, Anne and Jeryl were boarding the plane. Jeryl looked around and wondered where her other two friends went.

"Hey, where are Joy and Kimba? The should be here by now." She was getting increasingly anxious.

"Oh, pshaw, you know them. They're probably on the plane already." That was Briana, casually not caring. And so, they boarded the plane without another word.

* * *

Meanwhile, Joy and Kimba were busy trying to negotiate with Miss Ghetto.

"Please, miss! Accept our candy! We HAVE to get to America!" that was was making these ridiculous hand gestures to further emphasize her point.

"Quite. If we don't, WE WILL DIE." that was a hyperbole, but Joy didn't actually have a decent reason.

The ghetto woman shut the window, ending the conversation. The two girls walked out the airport in defeat. They were walking alone the shorelines, on the beach right next to the airport. They spotted a shabby looking boat, and an old hobo talking to a rubber duck. He seemed to be so engrossed in his activity, that he didn't notice the two girls walking by. Joy started waving her hands about, in a unflattering manner.

"Mister hobo! Yes, you over there! Mind giving us a ride in this, er, fine boat of yours?" The hobo merely raised an eyebrow in annoyance.

"Look here, missy. In my old age, what makes you think I can paddle all three of us anywhere?" Thus, he resumed talking to his piece of yellow plastic.

Both Kimba and Joy looked at each other, and came to the same idea. They both grabbed a snack from Joy's bag and waved it in front of the hobo. The hobo took a quick glace, grabbed it, and stuffed both snacks in his greedy mouth, wrapper and all. It would've been funny, if you didn't feel bad for the poor, sugar-ridden hobo. After several minutes of staring and chewing, Kimba cleared her throat and asked,

"So, about the ride, can we, like, have it now?"

"Mmm,"

the hobo continued to chew. He signaled for the girls to get in the boat and they did. They were talking about how sexy Camp Jupiter will be, when the hobo asked them were their destination is.

"Erm... America." the hobo did not seem very shocked at this.

"Alrighty then. Put on your seatbelts, because this will be one **underworld** of a ride!" Underworld? He was very strange indeed.

"Oh my gods! What a ride!" Kimba was squealing with delight.

"Oh my... gods? Where did that come from?" Never has Joy heard of such a strange expression.

Well, neither has Kimba, but she decided to ignore it.

Mister hobo was laughing throughout the trip. He seemed to be on a sugar rush. He was paddling about a hundred miles an hour or something, because they arrived on the shorelines of America in exactly 2 hours. The girls got off the boat, their hair a royal mess. They thanked the hobo and watched him as he slowly paddled away. But something was wrong.

Instead of floating away like all boats should, the boat was sinking. Like, literally sinking.

The hobo had this eerie smile on his face just before his head went underwater, he did the "I'm watching you" gesture.

Joy and Kimba just turned around an pretended that never happened.

* * *

Even though they spent so much time getting ready for their arrival, they had no actual idea where Camp Jupiter was located. They spent days clapping their hands and repeatedly shouting "Anne! Jeryl! Briana!" until they came across a rock on a highway road. They didn't know why they were so attracted to that rock, but they went ahead and picked it up. Joy felt silly, but she was determined to get to the camp before the end of the year.

"Excusez moi, little rock. I don't suppose you would happen to know where Camp Jupiter is?"

The rock, of course, said nothing. Because it is not possible for a rock to be able to converse with a human, or any other object at all. But then, the rock began to glow.

"I am Juno, goddess of marriage, and I will show you the waaaaaaaaaaay!"

She bonked Kimba's head before soaring off the cliff.

"What was that about?!" Kimba did not enjoy being bonked on the head.

"Dude, I think Juno, the magical glowing rock, is trying to tell us to quit or something." That was Joy, ready to give up.

"Uh, as crazy as it seems, I think rock lady is telling us that there might be some sorta entrance below that cliff."

So they jumped off the cliff and died a horrible death. The End.

Just kidding! They survived. Somehow, they managed to fall and land on Frank, who was sunbathing by the entrance, wearing only a speedo.

"Bosoofanana!" he got up and looked at the intruders.

"Halt, intruders! Where are your invitations?"

Frank tried to look all manly and 'in charge', which was hard to do when you're wearing an unflattering speedo. Uh-oh. They had no invitations, no object whatsoever, that would allow them to pass. They were in deep shit. Oh wait, they had snacks. They took whatever food was left in Joy's bag and tossed it in the corner.

Frank leaped like a dog and ran to get the food. Joy and Kimba walked casually to the entrance in the cave. The cave seemed to go on forever. It was almost pitch-black inside, but they found a glow stick on the floor, so everything was A-okay. Kimba yawned and stretched.

"Wow, this is sooooo long!"

Joy nodded in agreement. "That's what she said".

* * *

**More A/N,because I can.**

**Hello! HeroineOfOlympus,here to explain some stuff in the story.**

**Please do not ask how I got in the vending machine. I just did.**

**Remember "Bosoofanana"? I was supposed to put "ooof",but that's too mainstream. So I combined bosom,ooof,and banana,and voila! Bosoofanana 3**

**I'm sorry for my terrible ghetto-ness. I'm asian,so I don't speak ghetto.**

**I bet you're wondering what's up with the hobo. You'll find out in the future chapters xD**

**Why did Juno bonk Kimba on the head? How was Joy able to persuade Frank with her nonsense? It has something to do with their godly 'll find out soon xD**

**And NO,Kimba and I are not that stupid IRL. well,not always. I just wrote it that way,to add Spice xD**


	3. New People,New trouble (the meeting)

**A/N *whoosh* Hello there. We are now in chapter *drumroll* 3! My typist, Kimba, and I, are making sexy progress. Do not hesitate to congratulate us. Just a warning though; this chapter will have OOC-ness and crack. Anyways, enjoy! ~Joy K.**

* * *

As stated in the previous chapter, Joy and Kimbe were walking through the cave. They soon reached the end and found a long violent river going no where in particular.  
Joy huffed in exasperation.

"Great. How are we gonna go through this?"

"I don't know. Swim maybe? But then our clothes would get wet..."

"HALT!" That was Frank, running to catch up with them. "Come back, intruders!"

The two girls stood there, doing nothing.  
When Frank finally caught up to them, the two girls asked if Frank could carry them across the river. Frank said no and that trespassers must be thrown into the river.

"B-but," Joy stuttered. "Um, maybe a nice guy like you, would be, um, nice enough to let us through? I mean with your size, I mean, strength, I'm sure you could carry my friend and I..."

Frank tured red. "Uh, sure! If it's for two lovely ladies like... I mean, no! NO! Besides, I already have a girlfriend."He turned an even redder shade of red.

Kimba had a plan.

"Is that so? Well, it'd be a shame if she found out that you let two, um, Camp Jupiter-ians not come in. A shame, really." Joy nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, she'd hate you for life and stuff. But really, we did have invitations. Uh, rock took it and ran away?" Joy was a terrible liar, but Frank seemed to believe it.

"Alright, come over here. If you girs want to get there before sunset, we better get going."

So Joy and Kimba walked over to Frank and he hoisted them on his shoulders, one girl on each side. It was only mildly awkward, due to his revealing speedo.

"Dude, this is going to be so fun!" Joy raised her hand."Yes, yes it will be." and they gave each other a high-five.

* * *

When Frank dropped the girls off, he went back across the river to resume his post. The two girls took a deep breath before entering.  
A loud whoosh! and a defeaning crash, and both girls fainted on the spot.  
Reyna came running up to them.

"Bosoofanana! They fainted!" Residents of Camp Jupiter all came to stare at the two strange girls. Jeryl, Briana, Anne and the Russian transfer student, Svetlana, came to their rescue.  
They slowly came up and Reyna realized that they didn't belong here.

"You... You girls don't belong here! Get out! OUT!" Reyna lost her temper and started shrieking.  
But then Kimba got stuck by lightning and Joy started to float. Gasp were heard all around. Kimba's hair turned into some sort of afro while Joy continued to float.

Kimba coughed out smoke and said, "I think I'm the daughter of Jupiter."

Joy, still floating, was like, "I think I'm the daughter of..." and invisible gust of wind blew her hair, making it look fabulous. "... Venus."

Svetlana spoke up. "Vhot eez dis? Foriegn American girls! Vhot fun!"

Then Octavian was heard in the crowd.

"Make way, make way! Octavian the augur is here!" he started pushing through the crowd. When he saw Kimba and her poofy hair, he bowed down.

"Ah! Daughter of Jupiter! What a plea-" His eyes fell upon the mysterious floating Joy.  
He got up to his feet and stared. It was very strange for a daughter of Venus to be floating. Usually, they would have tons of make-up, and some pretty, frilly dress. All this girl was doing was floating and looking like she saw a goat give birth. What a strange thing, indeed.

"You... I know you! I mean, I don't, but I know you! Th-the teddy bears, and the rubber ducky and- and-" Octavian kept talking nonsense, while Joy paid no attention. She was too busy being traumatized.  
Kimba triend to yank her friend down to the ground but she kept floating like a balloon. So Anne got a rope, tied it around Joy's ankle and tied the other end to an anchor.  
Reyna cleared her throat and tried to look in charge.

"Yes, well, you two girls have to consult with the ogre- I mean, augur Octavian over there, to see if you can stay here in Camp Jupiter or not." The girls nodded in agreement.

"Daughter of Jupiter, you go first. Daughter of Venus, come. I'll see if I could do something about your, um, floatation.  
Reyna clapped her handas and ordered three men to accompany them. Two to carry the anchor, and one to carry Joy, who was still in a daze. Anne tagged with Joy too, because they were very close. Jeryl was asked to assist Kimba in her endeavor to go to the temple of Jupiter.  
So, in the temple of Jupiter, Octavian was busy slashing up some teddy bears, while one the other part of Camp, Reyna consulted some medical experts to find a cure for Joy's floatingness.  
As it turns out, the cause of her floatation was due to excessive lack of miniskirts and make-up, and although Piper did not like these two things either, Joy's case was more severe. The only cure for it, was a mug of steaming hot, frozen warm milk. Her floating disappeared almost instantly.

"Oh, hey! Would you look at that, I'm cured! And... I'm exhasted. I think I'll head over to the temple of Jupiter and take a nap afterwards. Oh, and Anne, don't worry about me, I know where to find it (yeah, not really) so you can go wander arounf the Camp or something. Au revoir!" Joy waved goodbye and wondered where the Hades she ever learned that French term.

* * *

Anne was taking a leisurely stroll around camp when she spotted a teenage boy, working on what seemed to be a blueprint of a teacup/windmill machine. Although Anne did not care about silly, useless things such as blueprints, she was very intrigued by this exotic, Latino boy, so shw went over and introduced herself.

"Hello! I'm Anne, daughter of Pluto. What's your name?" Leo was startled and somehow faceplanted himself on the concrete.

"Bosoofanana! That... that really hurt. And unnecessary, might I add." he slowly got up, with the aid of Anne.

"What's the matter with you anyway? Surprising a guy he's - oh." Leo looked up, to see Anne's worried, but smiling face, which he found, well, sort of cute.

"Oh, um, s-sorry. Anne, was it? You, ih, sorta just startled me, is all." He blushed slightly and started at the ground.

"O-oh! I'm sorry... Um, I didn't quite catch your name."

"I'm Leo. Leo Valdez, son of Hephaestus. Nice to meet you!" and they both shook hands. However, after they shook hands, a wild Svetlana appears!  
She popped out of the bushes and said,

"Vhot a veddy gut couple! Please to be making kissy-kissy in zee rooms and not in zee outside, yes?" well that totally ruined the mood.

* * *

After Kimba was accepted into Camp, she left the temple to look for Joy, since Joy gets lost very easily. They were a few hundred paces away, when Joy somehow arrived at the temple's entrance. A miracle, really.  
She took a few deep breaths, grabbed her stuffed tiger from her bag for comfort, and stepped inside. She was greeted by a teenage boy, about 18, who was doing some kind of retard ritual dance in front of a huge statue of Jupiter. He didn't seem to notice her until she leaned down and whispered to her tiger,

"I think he's on crack."  
Within a few seconds, Octavian was directly in front of her, a knife in one hand and a rubber duck in the other. Attempting to make a polite conversation, Joy spoke up.

"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm Joy and you have a rubber duck in your hand." She pointed at the yellow thing.

"Yes, well, I'm Octavian and - OH GODS, WHERE DID THIS ABOMINATION COME FROM?!" he threw the duck at the wall and Joy noticed that he made a pained expression whike doing that action. A mystery, it was.

"Ahem! Well, now that that's settled, I'm Octavian, Camp Jupiter's Augur and - oh! What a fine specimen that is! May I?"  
Joy raised her tiger for Octavian to see and he pressed the big white button on the stuffed toy's belly. It omitted a radiant red glow and Octavian jumped back, startled by this wonderus object.

"Neptune's tuna! What a fine specimen indeed! May I slash it?" He gestured at the dagger on his hand and the tiger on hers, which did not please her.  
When she refused, he tried to explain that he needs to since it's his only way of communicating with the gods. She said that it was ridiculous and thay he should just use a cellphone instead. Also, she claimed that he was a silly scarecrow with a brian full of poo. He didn't like the sound of that.  
They started arguing about random stuff like who the sominant gender was, and who would have a bigger... um, ding-a-ling if Joy somehow bacame a dude. So in other words, they were agruing over nonsensical things.  
While they continued to argue, a rustle heard, behind the large stack of gutted teddy bears beside Jupiter's statue. They ceased fighting and cautiously approached the sorce of the sound. Octavian raised a tentative hand towards the pile and a wild Svetlana appears!

"Hullo zere, friends! You make zee babies now, yes?" Svetlana seemed oblivious to the sudden paling of Joy's previous pinkish-white skin and the redding of Octavian's previous sickly-pale skin.

"No-no, that's not it, we were just - it's not what it looks like, we -" they were both spouting out unintelligible phrases.  
Then Joy just gave up and left, not caring whether the gods would let her stay or not. Octavian, however, stopped her attempt to leave.

"Hey wait! About earlier, I really was serious about having to slice stuffed animals to communicate with the gods, but... If you really don't want to part with your stuffed tiger, I... I guess that's alright. You can stay at camp, but don't tell anyone about... well, this. Do we have a deal?" He stuck his skinny hand out. Joy hesitated but shook his hand, nonetheless.

"You have yourself a deal... Octavian." He smiled, but quickly hid it by telling her that if she won't be out the door in 3 seconds, he won't hesitate in decapitating her tiger.  
Joy bolted out the door faster than you could say, "Bosoofanana!"

* * *

After those two encounters, it was already about 6:30 at night.  
Briana received a mysterious letter from anonymous earlier that day. It said to come alone at a particular room in the baths. How suspicious.  
While walking towards the baths, Briana could've sworn she heard Joy's voice nearby. She was swearing to herself, about some kind of scarecrow in bedsheets attempting verbal rape and a Russian-Germanic cockblocker. She decided to ignore her throes and continued walking.  
The letter said to knock three times and roundhouse kick the farthest door in the baths. She did exactly that. Thankfully, there was no one else in the baths, except for Octavian, who was muttering some profanities about a girl with a tiger and a duck.

After Briana's fail attempt to roundhouse kick the door, she accidentally kicked her forehead. A huge purple bruise appeared which was actually quite unattractive. She gave up and simply opened the door and was greeted by the strong aroma of scented vanila candles and a naked teenage boy in a jacuzzi, full of... blood? Oh, it was just cherry Kool-Aid. How seductive.  
Suddenly, the boy stood up, showing his treasure. Briana, afraid of seeing something immoral, covered her eyes.

"Hey there, Briana... Wanna get juicy?"

He brought his treasure to her face. (it was a glass, you dirty minded children!)  
Briana did not know what to do. She took his hand and carefully stepped into the jacuzzi, with clothes and all. She awkwardly sat next him and took some sips of the cherry Kool-Aid, which was rather unhygenic. Not that Dakoda didn't like it.  
So they sat there, in juicy silence, awkwardly taking turns sipping, when suddenly, a head rose, from the open space in the jacuzzi. It was... a rubber duck?

Just kidding! It was just Svetlana. Dakota and Briana just stared. Svetlana was wearing one of those mouthpieces, the ones used in snorkeling and a pair of underwater goggles. She was still wearing her fuzzy Russian hat, which was soggy and blood-red. It would've been funny if it weren't so awkward.  
Suddenly, she moved towards them. She settled to a spot in between them while Dakota and Briana continued to stare. She slowly put her arms around both of them, thus destroying the very juicy moment.

* * *

Kimba was traipsing around Temple hill, when she remembered she had to return Briana's week old banana. She went to Pluto's temple. In there, she saw the hottest, underaged kid she has ever laid eyes on. She remembered seeing him, when she was shopping for lingerie with Joy last month. He seemed hotter and more underage than ever.  
She also saw Briana, standing around, with a glass full of Kool-Aid. She was torn between returning Briana's banana and glomping on the kid. She decided to go with the former.  
She stepped inside and spreaf her arms wide ipen. She dramatically ran to Briana, who also spread her arms in greeting.

However, Kimba did not hug Briana.  
Kimba ran pass Briana, bumping her arm, thus sending her glass of Kool-Aid flying onto Briana's head, who began to cry.  
Hazel popped up from behind the door and ran to comfort Briana. As for Kimba, she ran straight towards Nico, who just stood frozen in fear. She jumped on top of him, hugged him, and told him about how hot and underage he was and how she saw him peeking around in a lingerie store while Nico remained stiff and stoic.  
Then, Kimba felt a sudden pressure from behind her. It felt like... a body? And two arms started to wrap around her and Nico.

"Ja! Ve are veddy gut friends, yes?"

* * *

Joy was still roaming around camp. Her previous moment with Octavian was different from what she expected. She thought he was especially strange, wanting to cut up her tiger and their argument about ding-a-lings and OH GODS HIS RUBBER DUCK. What was up with that? She actually had an identical ducky, named Mr. Muscle. Joy loved Mr. Muscle very much.  
So anyways, she was wandering, since she can't find her way to the cabins. She somehow reached the entrance of the bathhouse and was extremely tired and dizzy due to the day's activities. She stepped inside and walked into the boy's baths.

**_When I walk to the baths, this is what I see. Everybody stops and they're staring at me, I got a tiger in my bag and I'm afraid Octavian will get it, get it, get it. I'm in the bathhouse and I don't know it._**

Joy was oblivious to the stares all around her. She was too tired to notice. She opened the door labeled "augur" and slammed it open. Octavian, who was standing in front of a mirror wearing only a towel around his waist, turned to stare at her. Then, his towl fell to the floor, exposing his treasure (cock, this time).  
Joy stared and pointed at it.

"That's not very big." Then she left.

* * *

**A/N**

**It's dooooone! *faints* this is was supposed to be posted weeks ago,but my typist and I got all well.**

**And did you guys notice the LMFAO part? If not,you need to go out ,Chapter four,here I come! *whoosh***


	4. Strip Poker and War Games

A/N  
Heyhihello there! Ermagerd, cherpter ferr! I'd like to thank you guys and my typist, Kimba. (she gave me snickers some time ago to give me inspiration xD) Hmm, yes, I am quite pleased with myself. I dedicate this chapter to the people with autism and to the cancer patients though this chapter has nothing to do with them what-so-ever. So, like, enjoy and stuff. ~Joy K.

* * *

Today was the day of the wargames. Percy and his friends, as well as the other campers (including the new ones) were busy preparing for the event. They were all either busy training in the training field or busy discussing battle plans. Except for the new campers.  
Percy noticed the new campers were huddled in a corner, talking about something. He wondered what is was.  
"Hey Leo, I thought you said there only four new comers. What's up with those other two?" he gestured at Joy, who was avoiding the make-up of wrath of her Venus half-sisters, and Kimba who was playing with lightning.  
"I don't know, man. I guess shit happens, LOL." Leo received an evil eye from Piper in return of his snide remark.  
"Shut up, Leo. They seem nice enough! And besides, they're demigods, just like us!" Piper seemed especially sassy today.  
Annabeth nodded. "That reminds me. Leo, weren't you flirting with that Pluto girl? Um.. Anne, was it? Don't deny it! I saw you guys last week!" Leo blushed.  
"What? No! I just fell and she helped me up, is all! There's nothing going on between us!" The rest of the group laughed at his insecurities.  
Bloody Venus stepsisters, why did they have to be so Venus-y? Joy dreaded wearing make-up. Whenever she wears it, her face becomes frozen like glue. Whenever she tried to smile, it looked fake and it was a workout as well.  
"Joy, hon! Come on, just a bit of mascara on your eyelashes! You'll look even more gorgeous!"  
"Asdfghjkl; NO!" Joy fled to who knows where. She ran past Octavian, who was yelling at one of the campers. He stopped his yelling and stared at the wacko running Joy. She also ran past Nico, who was asking Hazel about the savage girl, who assaulted him last night. He also turned to stare at her.

Kimba realized that her friend disappeared. She ceased playing with her lightning and when to look for her. She saw Octavian gaping at nothing in particular. She went over to him and asked if he's seen Joy.  
"Joy... ah, yes. I've seen her. She was screaming profanities and was running over there." He pointed to where he was gaping at earlier.  
"Oh, okay. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a frind to chase." and she follwed Joy.  
"Wait! Take me with you. I have some matters to discuss with her." He jogged towards her, and they both set out to find the runaway Venus child.  
They found Nico and Hazel, who were both also staring at nothing. When Nico saw Kimba, he quickly tried to hide behind Hazel's back, thus destroying his bad boy demeanor.  
"Ohhh! Nico! Hey, have you seen Joy? She ran away earlier." Nico peeped from Hazel's back.  
"Ahh, that new Venus child? Yeah, we've seen her. She ran over there," he pointed north. "What happened anyway?"  
"Make-up. Sisters. Complex past that's not very Venus-like. Hey! You should come with us!" Kimba grabbed Nico.  
"Hazel, you coming too?"  
"Nah, I have to get ready for the war games. See ya!" Hazel waved and left. And so, the trio continued to search.

* * *

Meanwhile, Joy was still running. To where, she did not know. She didn't even know why she was running. All she knew, was that she had to go somewhere, far away. She found an old, run-down shack in an isolated part of camp.  
"Wow, that's a really old, run-down shack in this isolated part of camp. It looks really dangerous. I should go in!" and she did.  
Though the outside looked shabby and crap, the inside was amazing. It was like a sexy mixture of one of those high-end cinemas and a library studio of a millionaire. In short, it was a sexy room. Joy stepped inside and noticed a small table with four chairs. In the center of the table were a stack of cards. She had an idea. She would build a house with those stack of cards.

* * *

"Hey Octavian, what were you going to talk about with Joy anyway?" that was Kimba.  
Octavian has a serious look on his face, "She saw a part of me that must not be seen."  
Kimba raised an eyebrow. "What?"  
Octavian facepalmed. "My ding-a-ling. She saw my ding-a-ling." He still couldn't forgive Joy for what happened last night. How could she so rudely barge in and tell him that the size of his ding-a-ling is not satisfactory? Absurd! He is so going to tell her off.  
Nico whipped his head. Did Octavian just say... ding-a-ling? He wondered what happened between them last night. Could they have... done it? No, impossible. Even if Octavian was all powerful in status, he'd never get laid. Nico decided to ask Joy about it when he gets the chance.  
Octavian continued striding alongside them. He wanted to get revenge. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Maybe he'll make fun og her bouncy balls. Oh, but they aren't even small, they were actually quite satisfactory. This is going to be tough.  
He started reflecting on what she said. "Oh, I know!" he said, "This is reverse psychosis for human courtship! She actually thinks I'm quite large!" and he did a victory dance. Both Kimba and Nico ignored this malevolent creature.  
"Kimba, I don't suppose you have any ways of... trolling your friend Joy, would you?" He was obviously plotting something.  
"Trolling, eh? Well... She hates being called Christine. It's her first name. The last time I called her that, she locked herself in a room and cried. Just kidding! She pushed me down a hill and I've got a bruise to prove it." She showed a purplish-blue mark on her ankle. "Wait, why'd you ask?"  
"Oh, no reason. No reason at all. I've decided to become more... friendly with her. She is quite charming, you know." Octavian tried to suppress an evil laugh, but failed. "HA HA HE HE HO HO HO!"  
Kimba could not take anymore of his foolish antics. She kicked him in the balls and he writhed in pain. "Waaah! You kicked my precious!" He started rolling on the ground.  
"How can you expect Joy to like you when you cry like a baby? Pathetic." Kimba shook her head.  
"B-but, we're not even... Ugh... My pee-pee!" It seemed his whining would not stop. Nico began to roll him with his foot and resumed their journey.  
They soon came across an old, run-down shack in an isolated part of camp.  
"Wow, that's a really old, run-down shack in this isolated part of camp." That was Nico. "Whoa. Deja vu. Why do I feel that someone said that earlier?" Kimba just shrugged and Octavian rolled his head.  
"Anyway, lets go! I bet Joy will be expecting us. Most especially me, of course." That was Octavian. Kimba kicked him and he rolled towards the door. There was a loud thud and a moan of pain.  
Octavian knocked and the three entered. What they saw was unexplainable.

* * *

Going back to the preparation of the war games. Reyna was explaining to Grover how he wasn't allowed in the war games.  
"Grover, fauns aren't allowed to join. Only demigods can. I'm sorry, but you have to go."  
Grover started to complain. "I'm not just a faun. I'm Grover! Come on, can't I be an exception?" But Reyna wouldn't budge. He went to look for Percy.  
Percy was wiping Riptide with a cloth. He was beside Piper, who was receiving a foot massage from Leo, as punishment for a while ago.  
"Hey! Hey Percy! I need you to do me a favor."  
Percy raised an eyebrow. "What is it?"  
"You know that fauns can't participate in the war games, right?" Percy nodded, of course he knew.  
"Yeah, well, I need you to hide me in a bucket, so I can get in. I'll ask Jason to use me as a weapon so that people don't get all suspicious of a bucket standing in the middle of the field." Jason actually seemed to be okay with the idea, but Percy was horrified.  
"What? No! As a Praetor, I cannot let his happen. I'm sorry, Grover but rules are rules." Grover started whining again until Percy finally gave in.  
"Fine, but if anyone finds out, I'm not apart of this." then suddenly, a loud screechy yell was heard.  
"The wargames are about to start! Everyone get your asses over here and get ready!" and so they did.

* * *

Going back to the shack, when Octavian opened the door, they saw Joy's humongous house of cards. It was a very nice little big house and her rubber duck was in one of the rooms.  
The three dramatically gasped. Then Octavian cried out, "Christine! I didn't know about your artistic prowess!"  
Joy turned, with fire in her eyes. She grabbed the nearest book, a 10 pund encyclopedia. She chucked it at Octabvian, who doubled over in pain for the third time that day.  
"Who gave you permission to call me that?"  
"B-but Christine-" Thud. That was the sound of an anchor hitting an idiot's foot. Kimba and Nico backed away.  
"Oh, did I do that? I'm sorry Octavian. Here, let me take you out of your misery." Joy walked over to Octavian and hugged him. Octavian was more than bufuddled, but he hugged her back. Then Joy pushed him into the open aquarium, filled with exotic fishes and mini-sharks. It was lol-worthy.  
"Blub blub blub! Christine, help!" But Joy did nothing. Then a huge figure appeared behind the rocks. The figure looked nice enough, except he didn't have any underwater gear. He was breathing underwater and he had a trident in one hand.  
The figure pointed at Joy and Kimba. "Hey! I know you! Didn't I paddle the both of you to Camp Jupiter? Anyway, I gotta go. Oh, by the way," he looked at Joy. "Mind saving your boyfriend over here? He's your responsibility after all. Toodles!" And he disappeared in underwater smoke.  
Joy groaned and grabbed her duck. "Alright, make mama proud. Mr. Muscle, I choose you!" and she threw her duck. It hit Octavian in the head while he was trying to climb out. He fell back in the aquarium. "Oh, and by the way, you are not my boyfriend."  
"Oh, I see what's going on here. Let me give a heloing hand!" that was Kimba. She dropped an anchor on Octavian's head, durning his second attempt to escape. Eventually, Nico felt sorry for the poor creature. He hoisted him on a ladder and he climbed out. Octavian was shivering and wet. He was not very happy.  
Joy kind of felt bad for him. She grabbed some clothes from a treasure chest and handed it to Octavian. It was a fuzzy purple bathrobe and a pair of bunny slppers. He mumbled a thanks and began to strip.  
"Stop! Gods, Octavian, what were you thinking? Go strip somewhere else!" Her face reddened and covered her eyes.  
"B-but, Christine-" death glare. "-I mean, Joy, don;t you want to indulge your eyes and feast on my bodice? Don't deny it. I know you want me! Octavian, your adorable, sexy boyfriend!"  
Joy facepalmed. "First of all, who would want to see your skinny body?"  
"You would!" Thud.  
"No. Second, you are not my boyfriend. We just met!"  
"We can change that. Christine I-" Thud.  
"No... Just no. Go change over there." she pointed at a room with a sign that said "A Changing Room for Skinny Guys Whose Girlfriends Don't Let Them Change Infront Of Them" and he went inside.  
Nico looked around the room, Kimba quietly stalking behind. He marveled at the size and grandeur of the shack-turned-cinema-library-room and wondered why he never saw it before. Perhaps it was just built yesterday. Yes, that must be it.  
Kimba longed to conversate with him, but what could she possibly say? "Oh, Nico, it's nice to meet you, by the way." or "I'm sorry for glomping you the other night."? She was worried she might say something really stupid. Finally, she gathered up the courage to speak.  
"Oh, Nico, I'm sorry for meeting you, by the way." Shit, she did not mean to say that at all.  
"Excuse me?" He turned back. He raised his eyebrow and stared right at her. He looked so incredibly sexy that Kimba wanted to curl up in a ball and cry in all her feels.  
"That's not what I meant! I mean..." she held her hand out. "I'm Kimba, daughter of Jupiter."  
Nico looked at her hand, as if it had a contagious disease. After a moment's hesitation, he took it and shook it. "Nico di Angelo, son of Hades." he managed a pained smile, which almost caused Kimba to melt into a puddle.  
But then a loud slam was heard. It was from the changing room, and standing beside it was Octavian in a fuzzy purple bathrobe. The sudden noise startled Joy, who has nearly fell headfirst into the aquarium, if Octavian had not caught her.  
"See, Christine? You do need me! From now on, I will be your knight in fuzzy robes!" She decided to to comment on how silly that sounded and instead sulked in a corner.  
Kimba patted her in the head and Nico resumed wandering around. Octavian spotted a table in the middle of the room, and walked towards it. He removed Joy's stack of cards and carefully placed them in a pile. Then, he had a sudden idea. He turned around, a smirk on his face and asked the others.  
"Hey guys, Anyone up for a game of poker?"

* * *

Going back to Percy and his friends, the wargames had already begun. Jason was whacking his enemies with his bad-ass bucket, while Grover shivered in fear inside it. Would could blame the poor faun? It was not fun being inside a bucket while your friend uses it to whack people.  
Hazel and Leo were busy fending off the enemies, while Percy and Piper were arguing over which was better; feminine guys or manly women. It seemed that Percy was winning. The rest of their friends were just running around for and hour or two. But with their persistence and team effort, they were finally able to breach the enemy fortress and seize the banner. Reyna descended from Skippy, her pegasus and congratulated Jason for his remarkable bucket skills.  
Then, the Stoll brothers popped out of nowhere and announced that the would blow something up, in honor of Jason's victory and ran away. They were obviously up to no good, so Percy and the others chased after them.

* * *

"Poker? With you? No thanks." Joy was in no mood to do anything but sulk in the corner.  
"Okay, let's make it interesting. How about strip poker? If you win, I'll stop calling you Christine. If I win, well, eye candy is enough for me."  
That got Joy interested. "Really? Alright, but lets do it in pairs. Nico, go with Octavian. I'll be with Kimba. But there's one problem." Joy and Kimba both looked at each other, and said the exact same thing. "We don't know how to play poker."

* * *

Meanwhile, the Stoll brothers were still looking for something to blow up. They kept running until they found a run-down shack.  
"Wow, that's a really old, run-down shack in this isolated part of camp. It looks really dangerous." That was Travis Stoll. His brother, Connor, nodded. "You're right. Lets blow it up!" and they began to work on their plan.

* * *

Octavian gave the girls a quick, 30 second explanation on the rules and guidelines of the game and they begun. The first round has gone exactly as Octavian hoped. He chose Joy to strip first and so she did. With a lot of grumbling, naturally. But then, the game took a turn for the worst. Not for the girls, mind you, but for Octavian and Nico. Round after round, they chose Octavian to strip. Pretty soon, he was down to his still-damp ducky boxers, considering that he was only wearing a fuzzy robe and bunny slippers in the first place.

When Kimba won the next round, she chose Octavian to take of his remaining garments, but Joy stopped her. "No, let him suffer. I chose Nico."  
Octavian was horrified. What kind of malicious, evil girlfriend would let her boyfriend freeze to death? Nico did what he was told and took off his jacket. The game continued ad expected. The girls still kept winning until Nico was only wearing his skull boxers. Kimba tried to peek, but Joy stepped on her foot, to forbid her from getting any.  
Octavian started to panic. He did not like to lose. So in the next round, he was relieved to find out he had 2 kings and 3 fives. He smiled his evil smile, which sent shivers down Joy's spine. Nico put down his cards. "I'm out."  
Kimba did the same. "I'm out too! We are so alike." and she rested her elbows on the tabled and stared at his dreamy dark eyes. He moved uncomfortably to the other side.  
"Well, Christine, looks like it's just you and me now. So what will it be? Fold or call?" Joy was befuddled. Was Octavian bluffing?  
His chest swelled with pride. "Christine, I am so sexy. Oh, what was that? You think I'm sexy too and what me to be your boyfriend? Well, alright, if you insist."  
Joy rolled her eyes. "Octavian, I've seen it, and it's not that big." that shut him up.  
With a sigh, Joy put down her cards.  
"HAHA! I win! Now, Christine, your shirt please?" he gestured at her purple Camp Jupiter shirt.  
"Look again, Octavian." Upon closer inspection, he noticed that she had four Queens. Octavian was aghast.  
"I don't remember saying I never played poker. Oh well." that was Joy. The two girls exchanged high-fives, while Nico awkwardly tried to shooshpap the sobbing Octavian.  
"Uh... Calm down, Octavian. It's just a game. Oh, we should probably put our clothes on now." he looked to the left and tried to grab his clothes, but they weren't there. He looked to the right and noticed Octavian's robe and slippers were gone as well.  
"Our stuff is gone." Nico searched the room and Octavian panicked.  
"The girls! Where are they?" Octavian ran out of the room, followed by Nico. When they were outside, they heard a loud click. It was the sound of a door locking. The rest of the Campers were already outside. The Stoll brothers were nowhere to be seen.  
Then suddenly, an explosion. Boom! The shack exploded, sending Octavian and Nico flying towards Joy and Kimba. Fortunately, they weren't it. They landed right in front of them.  
"Our clothes! Why did you take them?" That was Octavian. The girls nodded. Then everyone laughed at their nudity. "Ha ha ha! LOL"  
Then two similar looking dudes, followed by Svetlana emerged from behind the shack. "Woohoo! That was awesome, bro!" the first dude brofisted the other dude. "Yeah! Fireworks for the win!" Joy was confused. Who were these awesome dudes?  
"Excuse me, but... Do I know you?"  
"Ja! I'm Svetlana, zee Russia-" the first dude stopped Svetlana. "Uh, I'm pretty sure she means us." Joy nodded.  
"Well, we're the Stoll brothers!"


End file.
